Colbert Mocks ICE Recruits Flunking Fitness Tests with a Sneaky Tip for Migrants

On Wednesday night, Stephen Colbert poked fun at the fitness requirements for joining ICE, the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency, while sharing a cheeky tip for immigrants.

According to a CBS report, Colbert highlighted that President Trump is pushing for more ICE raids, which he said are scaring communities across the country. However, ICE is struggling to hire new agents because over a third of applicants can’t pass the physical test.

Colbert laid out the test’s demands: recruits must complete 15 push-ups, 32 sit-ups, and run 1.5 miles in under 14 minutes. With a grin, he offered advice to immigrants: “Well, there’s a hot tip for immigrants! Learn to run 1.6 miles and ICE can never catch you.”

He went on to joke that the high failure rate could be a wake-up call for recruits. Mimicking a drill sergeant, he said, “All right, cadets, look to your left. Now look to your right. Now take a break. You guys must be exhausted!”

An ICE official, per the report, described the recruits as so unfit they’re practically “athletically allergic.”

Colbert jumped on this, joking, “You laugh, but that’s a real thing. I’m allergic to athletic! That’s why I always carry my Epi-Garlic Breadstick.”

In the same monologue, Colbert took shots at Trump for other reasons. He mocked Trump’s attempt to sue the Justice Department for $230 million, criticized him for damaging the White House’s East Wing, and laughed at Trump receiving an obscure award called the Richard Nixon Architect of Peace Award, which Colbert sarcastically claimed he’d “definitely heard of before.”

The full segment is available to watch on CBS’s video of the show.

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