10 Reasons Why Comic Books Are Better Than Sex
Comics are wonderful. Sex is wonderful.
Knowing this, I ask you, is one better than the other? If we were to put both on a scale, would the scale tip in the favor of one over the other. I can say, without thinking twice, that yes, it would. I won’t tell you which one I think would outweigh the other because, well, that’s my opinion to be had. What I will tell you, is that comic books have at least 10 reasons why they are better than sex.
With that, I bring you 10 Reasons Why Comic Books Are Better Than Sex.
Let’s face it. Not all of us like to have sex with the lights on. For some, it’s awkward, troubling, and downright panic-inducing. Comics just aren’t like this. Wit comics, lights on definitely beats lights off.
First of all, reading in the dark is just about as hard as it sounds. Secondly, if you somehow possess cat-like eyes and can read in the dark, it’s bad for your eyes. Thirdly, and finally, if the pages are dark, you’re up the proverbial creek without a paddle. C’mon, how will you actually see the pages?
Comics in the dark just doesn’t work.
Ok, so this one only applies to a select bunch of the crowd but the upturn and downturn of sex can be short-lived. Even though the adrenaline that shoots through the body while partaking in the process is amazing, the feeling simply cannot be sustained.
Comics, on the other hand, can continuously release adrenaline. They have the unique ability to allow the reader to plug in, leave their own world behind and be taken on an adrenaline filled adventure to where ever and whenever they want.
- No lead-up
- No moments of wondering
- None of that uncertainty
- No awkward curiosity
Just pure and unadulterated adrenaline.
Simply put, comics are like beer on tap at your own house. You want one, go and get one. It doesn’t require that you ask, beg, plead, or any other thing you might be able to think of. All it requires is that you strategically take it out of its case and board, carefully turn each page ever so gently, and enjoy it.
No chance of pregnancy
For all of you youngsters, and oldsters who don’t want them, I promise you that if you read a comic book, you are 99.999999% likely to not become/get someone pregnant. The same cannot be said for sex.
Even if all precautions have been taken, there is always, and I repeat always, the chance that an unwanted pregnancy can occur. While this is not meant to be a public service announcement, it is meant to make you realize that comic books are as close to avoiding pregnancy as it comes. Putting a sleave on a comic and a sleave on a…well, are two different things.
Take these words seriously. Unwanted pregnancy alone makes comics better than sex.
Heck, I started comics at the tender age of 8. The same cannot be said for sex. Rest assured, I will not tell you when that happened but understand that it was far from 8.
None of these required young Joel to go out and better protect himself. The only protection I was buying was the plastic sleeve that encased my books.
Comics have a very low age threshold and for that, they are better than sex.
Cost of entry is low
Look, at their most basic form, comics will cost approximately $4.00 a month. Sex? Not quite on the same level.
Sex? Not quite on the same level.
Need I say more?
Cost of exit is low
Comics? Well, you could just simply stop reading and collecting them. I’m not encouraging that because the industry needs people like you and me to continually buy, support, and talk about them. But, I suppose you could.
The most costly word in any language is divorce. Sex can lead to divorce. End argument.
Can openly talk about your comic life
I acknowledge that this doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone that will read this. But for those that it does, we don’t openly talk about our sex lives. For us, there is a certain sanctity and privacy that goes along with sex. It is ours to know and only ours to know.
Comics, conversely, we talk about to everyone we know. We live and breath them and when the discussion begins, we stop at nothing to say what we need to say. Nothing is left on the table and that’s the way we like it. We spend hours deliberating, comparing, and discussing the merits of each book we read. We analyze and overanalyze each passage, thought block, and speech bubble in an effort to better understand our obsession.
Sex? Not a chance. Somethings are better left unsaid.
No awkward goodbyes
Yes, sex can lead to the long-term, permanent, life-extending, partnerships that we all desire. These are blissful and are filled with some of the most amazing experiences that one can experience. I, personally, have been lucky enough to find such a relationship and wouldn’t trade it in for the world.
However, this doesn’t always happen. Sex can lead to that not-so-desired moment that you are forced to say goodbye to someone. This moment can keep you up at night dreaming of all the ways that you could do the deed.
- Phone call
- In person
- Text message
- Through a friend
And so many more. It’s always unpleasant and leaves you with a feeling of defeat.
Comics…well don’t. I did already say that you can say goodbye to comics (although you shouldn’t) and if/when you do, I assure you it won’t be awkward.
Trade books with friends
Not necessarily true I suppose but nonetheless, the likelihood of it happening is pretty slim. Sex can lead to trading. I believe the actual term for it is swinging, although, please don’t quote me on that.
Comics, always lead to trading. When I was young, trading books was a rite of passage. It meant that the traders understood and shared the common goal of making their collection better. In fact, to this day, I trade in my old ones so that I may get new ones. I love the feeling of a fresh book and the smell of brand new pages.
This makes me, like most other purists, a comic trader. Not a wife trader, a comic trader.
Say what you will. Pick which you want. Think of your own reasons if you desire. These are my 10 reasons why comic books are better than sex.
Title Image © DC