Counted Down: The Top 10 Weakest Superheroes Of All Time
Not all superheroes are created equally. Some superheroes are given tremendous power that enables them to do incredible things. These superheroes can walk through walls, fly at supersonic speeds, lift entire planets, and more. Their services are in high demand and as a consequence, are often a part of the greatest teams in existence.
On the other side of the superhero spectrum are the weakest superheroes. Unlike their powerful counterparts, these heroes can’t do too much. In fact, most don’t actually have any sort of traditional superpower at all. Yet, for whatever reason, they were still created and they still serve some sort of purpose.
Who are they, you ask?
Here are The Top 10 Weakest Superheroes To Have Ever Been Created.
10. Squirrel Girl
Squirrel Girl is the creation of Steve Ditko and Will Murray. She made her first appearance in 1991 inside the pages of Marvel Superheroes Vol. 2, #8.
As her name implies, Squirrel Girl has squirrel-like powers. These powers grant her enhanced strength, speed, agility, and reflexes. She also possesses small, retractable spikes that come from her knuckles, a semi-prehensile tail, and most importantly, can communicate with squirrels.
Because she has taken down the likes of Doctor Doom, M.O.D.O.K., Thanos (kind of), Deadpool, and Wolverine, she isn’t as weak as the others on this list. This, however, doesn’t prevent her from not making this list. Squirrel Girl is here because she can communicate with squirrels. She can’t burst into an inferno, create forcefields, isn’t a deadly assassin, or omnipotent.
At first glance, Cypher has a really cool power. He’s able to talk and learn any language in the world, computer, body, or human, and remember it forever. Cool? Yes. Useful on the battlefield? Not really. Readers and writers hated him for this. Even Louise Simonson went on record saying, “He wasn’t fun to draw. He just stood around and hid behind a tree during a fight… Every artist who ever did him said ‘Can’t we kill this guy?’ We would get letters from fans about how much they hated him. We never got any letters from people saying they liked him until he was dead.”
Fortunately for Cypher, his power has proven to be more useful over time. When the mutant population took refuge in Krakoa, he was able to communicate with the island. Without him, the harmony that was achieved between the mutants and the island could never have happened.
Dazzler was created as a cross-promotion between Marvel Comics and Casablanca Records. She first appeared in X-Men #130 back in 1980.
Even though she has the potential to be something really special, she isn’t. Dazzler has the ability to turn sonic vibrations into various forms of light. The light she produces isn’t only visible light. Instead, Dazzler can produce light that operates at various frequencies, sound, pressure, and more. In some instances, she can even project the light from her fingertips in the form of a blast. However, when she does this, it places great strain on her.
Although Dazzler can turn any sonic vibration into a light, her preference is to use music as an outlet. She does this for two reasons. First, music is much more kind on her ears. Second, music provides a constant and predictable source of sound.
7. Stone Boy
Stone Boy has, you guessed it, the power to completely turn himself into stone. Once he’s in his stone form, he’s immune to practically every form of attack and nearly invulnerable. While this should make him a great asset to any team and and even better superhero, it doesn’t.
Yes, Stone Boy can turn to stone. The issue is that once he’s in his stone form, he’s unable to move around or do anything other than be a rock.
So why turn to stone at all?
Stone Boy is from the planet Zwen. Unlike Earth which rotates around the moon daily, Zwen has a very slow rotation. So slow that it takes the planet 6 Earth months to revolve around the moon. While the planet is in its orbit around the moon, its inhabitants all go into their rock form and hibernate.
6. Friendly Fire
Friendly Fire is, as his name implies, able to shoot powerful bolts of energy at his opponents. Sadly, while he’d love to fight crime and hit his opponents with his energy bolts, he can’t. Try as he may, all he can do is hit his friends.
Nope. I’m sorry but this isn’t true.
In one instance, Friendly Fire shot out an energy bolt only to have it hit himself. This, of course, resulted in his own death.
Friendly Fire belongs to the team, Section 8. Section 8 is a team made up of wannabe superheroes who either aren’t powerful enough, don’t have enough control over their powers, or have what it takes to be on any other team. While all the members of Section 8 could make this weakest superheroes list, this spot is reserved for Friendly Fire.
5. Matter-Eater Lad
Created by Jerry Siegel and John Forte, Matter-Eater Lad is a member of the Legion of Superheroes who has the power to eat matter of all types and forms. Matter-Eater Lad first appeared inside the pages of Adventure Comics #303 back in 1962 and hails from the planet Bismoll. Like all inhabitants of Bismoll, evolved to eat all forms of matter as a way of survival.
Different from many other members of the Legion of Superheroes, Matter-Eater Lad didn’t appear in too many stories. This was primarily because writers struggled to find a way to make his powers appear useful. Instead, they often had him act as a part of Bismoll’s political world.
Bessie the cow was a typical cow living a typical cow life. One day while out on the pasture, her life dramatically changed. Count Dracula, who had been unable to find any human prey, was in the area and looking to feed. Unwilling to roll over and die of starvation, Dracula turned his attention to, and feasted on Bessie. Thinking his cow was dead, her owner dug a grave and peacefully laid her to rest.
Later that night the now undead Bessie rose from her grave. This happened because Dracula inadvertently caused Bessie to become a vampire. Now “alive”, Bessie learned that she could fly, was immortal, had vampiric tendencies, and had been gifted superhuman strength and speed.
Quite possibly the most ridiculous superhero on this list of weakest superheroes of all time, Bessie has made a number of appearances in Marvel Comics since her creation.
3. Hindsight Lad
Hindsight Lad doesn’t actually have any superpowers. Instead, he gives tactical advice to his teammates after the battle was already won or lost.
You may be asking yourself two things. First, how did he get on a superhero team without having any superpowers? Second, can he do anything other than giving advice that any person with a pulse could figure out? The answers are surprisingly simple. First, he blackmailed his way onto the New Mutants after seeing Robbie Baldwin transform into the superhero, Speedball. Second, no.
Once the New Mutants realized that he wasn’t exactly an asset on the battlefield, they relegated him to a desk job where he’d be safe. As a superhero with a desk job, it’s easy to place Hindsight Lad on this list of the weakest superheroes of all time.
There may not be a worse and weaker superhero than Arm-Fall-Off-Boy. Arm-Fall-Off-Boy (Floyd Belkin) can do exactly what his name implies. He can remove his limbs and use them as weapons against his enemies.
As a wannabe superhero, Arm-Fall-Off-Boy was a tryout for the Legion of Superheroes. Unfortunately, because his power is simply useless, Arm-Fall-Off-Boy has the distinction of being the first Legion reject. Although he would reappear periodically, he never achieved any sort of mainstream success. As a result, he has spent most of his existence as the hero most often criticized and laughed at by DC’s large audience. And it’s exactly this that causes him to become one of my weakest superheroes of all time.
Like Friendly Fire above, Dogwelder is a member of Section 8, or the most useless superhero team in existence. Dogwelder is a superhero who wears a welders mask, never reveals his face, hangs out in dark alleys, catches stray and dead dogs, and welds those dogs to the faces of his enemies.
As a superhero, Dogwelder is anything but incredible. As a comic book character, the very idea of him is comical. Even though Dogwelder didn’t ever achieve any sort of mainstream popularity, he was given the honor of being Wizard Magazine’s best new character back in 1997.
And that’s it. The Top 10 Weakest Superheroes Of All Time. What do you think? Who would make your weakest superheroes list?